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12 February 2011 @ 10:25 pm
Its litterally is the wierdest thing. I am 18 now. An adult, supposedly all grown up. Accepted to three colleges and still waiting for another 6 to mail out decisions. Things are moving on, when all I really want to do is cuddle up to someone and fall asleep. I dont know if I am ready to face the world, maybe its cause I am afraid I wont ever reach my potential. Other than this dillema that is hanging over me. I am generally happy. Got good friends. With a guy (I think) which is more confusing then I would have thought, but arent things always complicated. Talking to awesome people online, I know, I know its dangerous. But its nice to know that there are people that are different in the world. I forget that sometimes that there arent just the people who go to Kearsarge,  who live in our little towns.
Current Mood: curiouscurious
Current Music: The Clouding-Iced Earth
01 November 2010 @ 11:44 pm
So I love to read... And I love this book... So I am posting the Contest for the swag bag! :) 

27 October 2010 @ 05:00 pm
So basically I just crouched down in the middle of 114 (which is a major route down the street from my house) to take pictures for my  photography class. It was one of those things where I knew I wasn't going to be hit because I looked for cars before I did it, but it still gave me a little rush of adrenaline. I wish I felt adrenaline more often, did things out of the ordinary, to be honest I wish I was braver. I feel like I miss out on so much because I am so nervous and not necessarily going bungee jumping but just the little things. Like speaking up during a conversation with people that I may not even know. I get nervous around people especially people that I want to impress, and it just makes me regret things that I could have done later. Its like a reflex to run and hide any time someone wants me to make a decision, or to do something out of the norm. I don't want to feel like that anymore, I dont want to look back on times when I could have said yes, please instead of no thank you. So for all of you brave people out there I envy you, and your either lack of or conquering your fears.

My naive wish for today is to make my life a little more exciting, not in a big way but just the small stuff...

And I also thought you would like to see my insanely cool photos that I took for photography...

Current Mood: enviousenvious
Current Music: She Breaks- Vienne
27 October 2010 @ 12:44 am
So I have been bad about writing my entries in the last few days. I felt like that every time I sat down to try and write  nothing would come, nothing that I felt was worthy of other peoples attention. My life lately has been playing catch up . Its one of those vicious circles where because your out you get behind then you jump back in and you find even more work for yourself. So if you wanted to know how I have been spending my evenings then there you have it.
    So I thought that in this journal I would talk about why I write. For me it is purely self expression, yes I would love if someone took something out of it. But I have come to realize that its basically the incessant rantings of what has been going on in my head. I write because apart of me feels that I have to. I am not the next linguist that  Charles Dickens was, and nor am I poignantly honest like Suzanna Kaysen. Apart of me hopes that because I am just a person, that a wider audience might be able gain something. Writing is always something that I am better at, when asking something that makes me nervous I would much rather type out what I am going to say in a text and be able to edit than to talk on the phone and not have any ability to revise the stupid things that I say. I feel that writing for the most part is impulsion free because you have to think of what you are putting down in a piece of paper or on a journal online. There is one things that I have learned about writing is that you have to write with a purpose, even if its just to express yourself.

G'night All! :)
Current Mood: stressedstressed
Current Music: Back to December- Taylor Swift
20 October 2010 @ 10:51 pm
So its been a really busy week. I have found very little time for myself or my thoughts. And for tonight I really just need to crash, but I will let you see a piece of work that I wrote in creative writing! :) 

Salty Sweet

You could smell it from a mile away but it was still surprising to see its vast expanse. The ocean went on for miles that you could see and even farther past that. The apartment that we stayed in was only a block from the boardwalk.  It was above an ice cream shop that constantly smelt like sugar and hot fudge. We went for a week every summer, invited by friends. We normally were the ones crashing their big family get together although out of the three weeks the house was rented there was always a different group of people. In the two-story apartment the moment I put my bags down I felt at home. I knew where to put my book and chair on the porch. I knew exactly what stairs creaked to avoid being caught on midnight fridge raids. I could also tell you exactly how many steps it took to get to my favorite spot on the beach, just inches away from the water at high tide.
My mom swears that I spent the entire vacation in my bathing suit or sweats which was I think pretty much the truth except the few times we went out for dinner. Every morning I would wake up to the smell of Coppertone sunscreen that saturated my hair. The smell was almost sweet and could be identified by just about anyone. My pale skin could not retain enough of it and I was always a shade of pink.  The second part of the morning was making a very hard decision, Life or Coco Puffs. I was normally up before anyone else. Every one else would be asleep until at least nine-thirty maybe later. I liked getting up early and opening the double doors that led to the porch because it let in the morning air. It was refreshing.
I ran to change out of my pajamas and into my most formal attire, my black one-piece and a blue poke-a-doted sundress. People had started to stir about but I was too anxious to wait.  I ran back down stairs, threw my bowl in the sink and wrote my daily note:
"Gone for my Walk, Love Molly."

Shoes were not required in the town of Ocean Park, Maine and I knew I would only end up carrying my flip-flops. It was a breezy morning and at seven-thirty the town was pretty busy. I threw a quick grin at the fact that the ice cream shop finally had a new shipment of cookie dough ice cream. I quickly crossed the street as a man in a silver truck let me by and smiled outwardly at him.
The pavement felt weirder and weirder under my bare feet as I got closer to the beach. The sand made the asphalt look grey and made my feet warm. The smell as I moved forward became more potent. The intense smell of salt filled my nose, as the tide slowly crept up farther to shore. I blinked it out of my eyes as I tried to conceive what was just sitting in front of me. It was just sitting either. The dark blue mass seemed almost alive in its constant movement. I could sit there forever trying to make the ocean my crystal ball to solve all my problems. There was a cry of seagulls above me that pushed me to move on. I was the only one I could see on the beach for at least a mile, maybe more. It was that moment that made me content.
I did that every day for the entire week. It was my time for myself, both wanted and needed. I wish things would always be that uncomplicated, life would certainly be easier. That sweet and salty smell will always make covet a simple happiness.
Current Mood: workingworking
Current Music: Roslyn- Bon Iver and St. Vincent
19 October 2010 @ 11:25 pm
Relationship- (abstract noun) It is a thing that is built by two people usually its pillars are of love and trust. It is a special bond, a network, maybe even a web and at the slightest imbalance getting tangled leading to its upheaval. Something that can never be truly nailed or pinned down because of its fragility. The growth of the people within the relationship have to be toward one another or more disruption will befall. It is something that rarely works and requires copious amounts of time and effort. They are not easy by any means, and some of the time the bad still outweighs the good. Secrets will also cause a relationship to collapse, or any other crack in the pillars. Communication also plays a key role in the foundation that supports the relationship a the whole. One of the absolute keys, is the ability and want to spend time together, the want to build the bond. This doesn't have to be a date or a special event, but just the general spending time together in ever facet of life. A relationship should always be based on what the person looks like first thing in the morning, rather than what they look like at a dinner date. Absolutely no other motives,  besides love, must be invested for the longevity of the relationship. It is not based on what people see in the movies, and there is no such thing as the perfect relationship. But there is a difference between a rough patch and a destructive relationship. You must always feel loved and cared about in a relationship. And the last rule is that a relationship is undefinable.
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Run- Leona Lewis
17 October 2010 @ 10:09 pm
So I officially am sick and the antibiotics don't seem to be working :( So for tonight I thought I would post one of my favorite poems since I don't have the energy to do a long entry.

CXVI Part One: Life
by Emily Dickinson
I MEASURE every grief I meet
  With analytic eyes;
I wonder if it weighs like mine,
  Or has an easier size.
I wonder if they bore it long,
  Or did it just begin?
I could not tell the date of mine,
  It feels so old a pain.
I wonder if it hurts to live,
  And if they have to try,
And whether, could they choose between,
  They would not rather die.
I wonder if when years have piled—
  Some thousands—on the cause
Of early hurt, if such a lapse
  Could give them any pause;
Or would they go on aching still
  Through centuries above,
Enlightened to a larger pain
  By contrast with the love.
The grieved are many, I am told;
  The reason deeper lies,—
Death is but one and comes but once,
  And only nails the eyes.
There ’s grief of want, and grief of cold,—
  A sort they call “despair”;
There ’s banishment from native eyes,
  In sight of native air.
And though I may not guess the kind
  Correctly, yet to me
A piercing comfort it affords
  In passing Calvary,
To note the fashions of the cross,
  Of those that stand alone,
Still fascinated to presume
  That some are like my own.
Current Music: I Gave You All- Mumford and Sons
17 October 2010 @ 10:05 am
Sunday mornings are pretty much the best thing in the entire world. Except for the fact that it is Sunday and therefore tomorrow I will be facing school (including all the unwanted drama). But even that cant matter on a Sunday Morning. I can stay in bed till noon if I wanted to, not doing anything of real importance except for maybe the homework I could have done friday night but instead I wasted time on Facebook. What can I say, I like to procrastinate. Sunday mornings, I know for some of you mean church, but if I am not religious I am spiritual. To be frank organized religion in some respects scares the crap out of me, but this is probably because I dont understand it. But back to the wonderulness that is Sunday mornings, I can read and watch TV. And usually there is a smell of bacon wafting from the kitchen, not that I am a big fan of bacon, but when there is bacon usually pancakes follow. This is also the day that I dont contimplate anything heavy going on in my life, whether it is Global or just stupid friend drama. I put it all aside for one day, and take a break from it all. If I want to read news then I look up happy things, like the Chilean Miners Rescue.

To take one day away means that there is one day when I am not dragged down by all the nonsense. It where is I decide I want to drink soda before noon, there is no one there telling me I cant do that. It is where I can decide to watch TV and no one can say...I thought you liked reading better. It is my day to want what I want because I want it. It is the day where I am nobody's bitch unless I decide to be. I wish everday could be a Sunday....
Current Mood: awakeawake
Current Music: Dirty Dancing:Havana Nights Soundtrack
16 October 2010 @ 11:15 pm
Rules are Meant to be Broken

I broke my own rules
I told myself never would I ever ‘
Find my only happiness in one person
I guess you can’t decide who you love

I broke my own rules
How could I ever get so close to one person?
Now I cant fathom living without them
I guess you can’t decide who you love

I broke my own rules
I have to adjust to the changes
Because now there is one person who can truly hurt me
I guess you can’t decide who you love

I broke my own rules
I told myself no long distance, its too hard
But the one person who has entered my life is now fighting for it
I guess you can’t decide who you love

I can’t worry about a broken heart
And now that  I am falling I have to trust he will catch me
And I may not be able to decide who I love
But even my rules are meant to be broken

Just a Poem that I wrote a couple of weeks ago. Don't really know where it came from. :) Please Enjoy.
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
16 October 2010 @ 10:26 pm
So has there ever been someone in your life that you just forgive no matter what? I know that this is probably not the healthiest thing, but sometimes you do it just to keep someone in your life. I fight with myself constantly over whether or not this will be the day I just dont respond to a text or a phone call, but I don't ever have the personal strength to just give up. There isnt anything particular about them, its not the money or the image. I just do. I just keep them in my life. Apart of me feels like I have a problem. I mean half the time I am angry at them, or not truly satisified or they arent giving me the answers I need. But the other half, I couldnt laugh anymore if I tried. I am udderly happy, and I feel soooooo amazing. So does the good outweigh the bad, can I survive the bad spots to get to the good ones?
Current Mood: listlesslistless
Current Music: Wind Chimes